QldDeb

It's a Kid's Life This Time

2009-05-21T18:41:00.000-07:00

Remember when we were kids, when we went camping we took a pack of cards. Maybe a board game or 2 (with mum threatening all kinds of nasty things if we didn’t bring back all the pieces, which of course we didn’t!).

Here’s my little cousin’s & my daughter, laying in the back of the Ute watching Kung Fu Panda on a portable DVD player.

Seriously, how did we manage to keep ourselves occupied?

And when the DVD ran out of batteries, they just pulled out the IPods!

At least Brittany is reading at the same time.

Keelbottom Creek

2009-05-21T18:34:00.000-07:00

I’ve got a friend who giggles every time I talk about this place.

She says it sounds naughty.

I think she’s just got a sick mind.

It's a Dog's Life

2009-05-21T18:32:00.000-07:00

We do it tough in the North.

The poor dog had to do with prawns for dinner, I ate all the crab.

So sad.

Family

2009-03-30T17:58:00.001-07:00

Saturday night really annoyed me.

Seriously, my family really needs a reality check. I invited them over for dinner and what did they do? Got stupidly stoned, came over & criticized, kept chasing the little kids & telling them what to do (they know what they’re allowed to do in my house, and if they don’t, they ask ME) didn’t eat (‘cause they’d were SMASHED) and then went home when they started to straighten up. I know it's fun to do these things, I do them myself. Not at a dinner party.

And they wonder why I don’t bother to invite them over for dinner very often.

That would be why.

And my poor cousins felt like they were under fire for not watching the babies all night. I didn’t care, they were fine.

And I’d spent a bit of money on the ingredients for the dinner, as well as spending all afternoon preparing it.

Anyway, that’s my whinge, I’m done now.

Well, for today, anyway.

The WWW is Safe!

2009-03-26T21:39:00.000-07:00

I didn’t buy a camera, the World Wide Web is safe from my photo spam, for a little bit longer, anyway.

The man in the shop told me to wait another month or two, there’s a few new waterproof ones coming out, so I’m going to give them a try.

I’m over work today. Still doing 3 peoples jobs & the high school just rang, the monster’s got a sore belly. So I’m off to get her, then I’ll come back here & run around like an edjit for a few hours, pick up the prawns from the trawler & then go home for a glass of red & a sit down.

Sounds good to me.

Then a seafood banquet for all the family on Saturday night. We call the blokes "20 sandwich eating bastards" 'cause they just don't stop eating 'till it's ALL GONE. I’ve got the cooking bug & a freezer full of seafood, the trawlers are back in for the first time this year, YUMMY. I’m planning on cooking creamy lemon & garlic prawns (with a bit of marinara mix I’ve got tucked away thrown in, just for a bit of extra flavour & texture), mussels in white wine and I might as well use all those shells and make a prawn bisque to go with it. Oh, and a salad, the healthy bit to go with all that cholesterol.

Should cure or kill the kid.

Will update on how it goes.

Camera

2009-03-25T16:47:00.000-07:00

I’m going to buy a camera today.

I keep putting it off because I want the “biggest and flashiest” one going. I keep dropping the stupid things into the water, and then they stop working. Go figure.

So I’ve been looking for a waterproof one. The cheapest is around $350, and that’s not a little purchase at the moment, so I still don’t have one. But bugger it, I was sitting on the front veranda yesterday afternoon, the light was soooo beautiful, glowing through the blinds and reflecting off the hand of bananas hanging next to the table. It was amazing, and all I wanted was to capture it.

So I’m going to go to the Good Guys (a cheapo electrical place here) and getting one for about $90. They’re fine, I don’t want to publish the things for God’s sake, just take some snaps. And at that price it doesn’t matter so much if I involuntarily wash it. Again.

So get ready, you’re going to be inundated with photos. I do live in one of the most beautiful places in the world afterall, so there’s plenty of subject material.

Brittany’s paying off her IPod today as well (that’s why we’re going to the electrical store, I’m a girl, that sort of stuff doesn’t really interest me all that much). She’s so proud of herself, finally buying something with the money she’s earning instead of spending it on nothing. Now I have to get her to start the savings thing. God knows how, I’ve never managed to do it myself very well.

Ah well, the universe will provide!

Geez, I'm good!

2009-03-24T17:27:00.001-07:00

Modest too.

Look at that, posting 2 days in a row!

Now that's commitment!!

Well, it is for me.

The Hut

2009-03-24T16:36:00.000-07:00

Well, Easter’s on it’s way. I haven’t made any plans yet, I can’t have time off (we’re short staffed) so I’ve only got the 4 days. We usually go over to my brother’s beach hut. I love it over there, you can only get there by boat at high tide so that keeps the rif raf out. And the authorities. I'd tell you where it was but then I'd have to kill you. We've got home comforts there, a toilet (the loo with a view), shower, generator to run the freezer to make ice for the alcohol and the TV when the footy is on, lots of beds & mozzie nets and crab pots & oyster pickers for the hunter/gathers to do their stuff. I'd do it too, but we girls can't emasculate the menfolk too much, now can we. Besides, I cook the smelly things, that should be enough. My brother talks about living over there, such a dream. You have to actually have money to buy the petrol to run the generator for the ice & TV etc. But a beautiful dream, & one that I share.

View from the kitchen. My brother and step son (on holidays from the cold south) are building the toilet and bathroom. Very civilised!

This is my beautiful daughter, Brittany, in her natural state. Good thing she doesn't know this address!

P.S. Best way to cook oysters while at the beach.

Wrap them in bacon, stick them on a skewer, soak in Worcestire (I don't know how to spell it, figure it out for yourselves) sauce for 30 mins & chuck on the BBQ. To die for!
Nice for breakfast on the beach the next morning with a vodka and orange juice with lots of ice. What a life.

Teddy Bear

2009-03-23T20:36:00.000-07:00

Update on the cat.

It has been named "Teddy Bear" because Chicko thinks it is her private play thing.

The cat attacks back, of course. Very amusing to watch, I'll have to see if I can video it & post it here. I'm a bit technologically challenged in that way.

Still miss Zoe, I keep calling out to her when I go for a walk or get into the car, but I'm slowly getting used to her not being around. Chicko tries REALLY HARD to make sure I feel loved by her. A bit too much sometimes, but it's appreciated. She's just such a real dog compared to Zoe, who really was just a small hairy person.

Maybe Chicko will become that in time. I don't think so, she's a dog. The cat thinks it's a dog too, we're having a bit of a power struggle at the moment. Very amusing, as long as I'm on the top of the pack!

Bad Blogger

2009-03-23T20:28:00.000-07:00

I’m going to start being a good girl.

Well, not really. But I’m going to start blogging, even when I can’t think of anything to say, just so that I get into the habbit. I've got enough bad habbits, I might as well start some good ones!

It’s been silly at work this last couple of weeks. Our jobs have all been upgraded. It isn’t as great as it sounds, that means they’re advertised externally and I have to compete against everyone to win back the job I’ve been doing for the past 2 years. I just love the public service. I’ve just gone through the whole application/interview process, it’s only taken 5 weeks, and I still don’t know if I’ve gotten the job. Wonder why I’m a bit antsy.

Anyway, as a result of all this shuffling, I’m now looking after 2 reception areas and 5 conference rooms, as well as filling in for an absent PA and doing all the banking, because 3 of our staff have just left. On top of my usual duties. I’m starting to get a seriously tired, and when I get seriously tired I’m a very unattractive person. I’m trying to avoid that, but I’m not sure how much I’m succeeding. I think I need to sit on the beach with the dog and a barrel of wine, but I don’t seem to have the energy to get there. It’s a whole 2 blocks away!

Oh well, it'll be easter soon, 4 days off then. I don't think I'll go anywhere this year, I might take some time off after & pop up to Cairns when all the tourists have buggered off. Tourists - necessary evil for the economy, but get out of my way!! Grab a couple of good books and some even better red wine, they make some wonderful stuff in the Tablelands from native fruit, Davidson Plum is my favourite, and flake out next to the pool.

Sounds like a plan, Stan.

Zoe - RIP

2008-12-11T16:21:00.000-08:00

I had to put Zoe down yesterday. She was in pain and couldn't get around
anymore.

I'm seriously sad.

But I've got a new kitten. Very cute, no photos yet (no camera) but he's
ginger on top with a white belly & legs.

Not Zoe, but something to take my mind off things. And Chicko (the other
dog) thinks he's a new fluffy toy for her to play with. I'm thinking of
calling it ToyBoy.

Don't think The Monster will go for that. We'll see.

Christmas Party vs Sex Toy Party

2008-12-03T16:24:00.000-08:00

Geez, I’m just about over all this Christmas crap!

I love the hype, but I’m starting to get seriously broke. Alcohol costs money you know! Not to mention all the Christmas presents, food, decorations and taxi fares (‘cause I’m too drunk to drive, and I am sensible sometimes).
And that’s apart from the kebabs brought at 6am and eaten as I stumble/parade elegantly along the Strand (shoes in hand), talking crap conversing with the dickheads/enthusiastic energiser bunnies jogging at that time of the morning. I really feel that these people need to get a life. I mean, exercise is one thing, torture is another. And it makes your boobs saggy. That’s my excuse for not doing it, and it sounds like a grand one to me!

Oops, I’m rambling again. I tend to do that. A lot.

Anyway, I went out for the work chrissy party last week (the 3rd chrissy party so far), lots of fun. But I also had friends visiting from the Tablelands so that was fun, trying to be sociable while holding onto my head (and my boated stomach, see last post) after only 2 hours sleep. Weird, I can’t sleep in anymore. I can go back to bed later with a book & doze off, but I’m up every day at 5.30am. No energy, but I’m awake.

And I got an invite for another one this Saturday night, dinner & drinks etc but I also got one for a sex toy party. I’m actually not into sex toys that much, I find the real thing funny enough without making it even funnier with props! But I think I’ll do the sex toys, I’m just sick of the Christmas thing already!

Maybe I should change my name to Scrooge.

Full of Shit

2008-12-02T19:20:00.000-08:00

Yep, that’s me.

I never knew constipation could make you so crook.

Next time the heat starts in earnest, I’m making sure I drink BUCKETS of water.

Funny how we need that to live.

What’s that old saying, “If you don’t eat, you don’t shit. If you don’t shit, you die!”

Rather to the point, but true.

I’ll chat when my innards are playing again.

Off to eat prunes & guzzle water.

Chicken in Pajamas

2008-11-16T19:17:00.000-08:00

Does anyone else have strange names for things?

We always called grasshoppers hoppergrasses. Butterfly was flutterby (after all, they do flutter by, not butter flies!), the white maraya tree that grew around the chimney was the chimney tree, as are all other maraya trees I've seen since then.

I went to lunch with the ladies on Sunday to the Yatch club. Sounds flash, but it's actually a small local affair that's been there since day dot. It won't exist much longer, they'll be "developing the potential" of the site any day now. Such a shame, it's rustic, just like a local bowling club with a beautiful view of the marina, the drinks are cheap and the food is good & reasonably priced as well. Lasagne, chips & salad for $10. You can't go wrong with that. Anyway, enough advertising, nobody in Townsville reads my blog anyway!

It's funny, I get so used to the way I mangulate the English language that half the time I don't even realise I'm doing it anymore. It's not until I speak to someone from a non English background (these guys have trouble understanding most Aussies, we're good for talking in slang & dropping bits off words) but when I ordered lunch the other day I asked for chicken in pajamas. That would translate to chicken parmigana. The lady behind the counter just looked at me and I didn't even realise what I had done until she gave me "the look of confusion". When I translated, she still gave me a bit of a look.

Makes perfect sense to me.

Grandkids

2008-11-13T21:29:00.000-08:00

I'm one of the luckiest people in the world. I often have to remind myself of this, that thought gets lost far too easily in this world today.

I've given birth to one child, my daughter, and she is the centre of my world. I don't let her know that too often, I don't want her to get self important, or think she has the deciding vote on things (but in reality, she does!) but she'd the reason that I get out of bed on the bad days and try to make them better.

But that's not the only reason I'm blessed. I have 3 stepsons from a lifelong friendship with a man that I still love and that loves me in return. One of the best gifts he has ever given me has been these 3 boys. Don't get me wrong, they have their moments, all of them, but I love 'em all, heaps. Well, in the past 10 years these guys have given me 7 (count them, Seven) beautiful grandkids. And that's only 2 of the boys, 1 still hasn't started!

And the whole point of this post is that I've just given my blog address to the Twin Set (One family is 2 sets of twins, 18 months apart. Keen, hey!!!), so I wanted to say a great big HELLO to my beautiful babies, who I miss so much it hurts. I'm such a proud Nanna that I want to put their photos here to brag about them, but I'm a bit wary of photos of kids that can be identified on the big old World Wide Web. Too many bad people out there and it's Nanna's job to protect. All of my babies still live in Sydney, I havn't convinced them to escape to paradise yet, but I'm still hopeful! Unfortunately all my boy's women have family down there, so I don't like my chances. But there is always holidays.

Anyway, hello my beautiful babies. I hope you feel better again soon Miss Feral, thank you for your email Lolly and when am I going to hear from the Flasher & the Footy Boy?

Nanna loves you all the way to the moon & back.

Total Isolation = Total Bliss

2008-11-10T21:12:00.000-08:00

What a beautiful place!

And so isolated, we were the only ones there. Wow. I forgot how amazing the outback is.

This is a dam that was built to service a gold mine that has been closed for the last 10 years. One of the good things about all the mine work in North Queensland (apart from the healthy economy) is the infrastructure they provide. There's a lot of environmental restrictions now (thank god, you only have to see the destruction in other countries that don't have these limits to understand why they're in place) so the environmental footprint is relatively minimal, or as much as it can be from mining, and we get these amazing dams and roads to places that would normally be inaccessible, even by 4WD. My little 22 year old Mazda 323 would make it up here! I want to take a vehicle with plenty of extra room in it next time, there was all this amazing pink granite & quartz up there. All I could see was a sea of granite bench tops & the most beautiful garden edging imaginable. It'd probably cost me more to cart it home that to buy it in town but I don’t care, the effort makes it more valuable.

The location is only known to people who have been in the area for work & the local cattle station owners. It's been a known fishing spot for the locals for a long time, so much so that someone has built a hut there with just a roof & 2 sides, looking down to the river, absolute bliss. Anyone can use it, as long as it is left in the same condition that it is found. The station owners have even provided a compost toilet along the track, although I reckon that this has something to do with people not burying their poos properly & "bits" getting washed down the creek, which goes past the station house. Yes, up here when you go outback you have to take a shovel & toilet paper. Once you get used to squatting (I've been camping all my life, it doesn't bother me) you have a great "loo with a view".

Anyway, the fishing was excellent, although most of them got away. We kept getting excited & forgot to net the fish before they got away. Clever little buggers. Lots of bites, but there must be lots of food in there, they didn't bother to chase the bait much, just had a taste & moved on. We also took up the crab pots & got lots of yummy redclaw freshwater crayfish. Soaked them in port & honey & cooked them in the cast iron pot over the coals. That was just soooo hard to take! We even brought a heap home & my cousin (Cuz) said that it was a small catch, next time we'll do better. Between the rocks and the crays, I don't know if I can take it!!!

Next time we might take a boat that works. I towed a 14 foot tinnie all the way up there, loaded with grog & fishing gear & as soon as it hit the water it gave us nothing but trouble. I've has lots of experience with these guys and their boats so I never got in it. It DID start, got to the middle of the dam and then stopped. All we could hear was Ugly Gutz yelling "Whore, slut, bitch" etc, trying to row with an oar from a tiny blow up dingy with a cigar hanging out of his mouth. I've never been so proud, go my brother. Hopefully it's not in the genes. He spent the next couple of days mucking around with it and they did actually get it going & got to the other side of the dam (they started rowing first & then tried to start it. And it worked! It's a miracle!!) & put the crab pots in the spot Cuz said was the best, except we actually caught more out of the pots we threw into the creek near the hut. Fish don't stay in one spot, funny that.

We want to go back to this place, but we need to stay for longer, we only just started to get into the groove & then we had to come back. And wasn't that an adventure, the car got a leak in one of the fuel hoses & kept loosing power. Trouble was, it was dark by the time we left, so we couldn't do much without light, and we really were in the middle of nowhere, no phone reception, no houses, nothing. Not even a tarred road, we were still on the dirt. We were starting to think we'd have to camp on the side of the road & wait for a roadtrain to come through & ring the RACQ (our roadside emergency service in Qld) to come & get us. But the old dear just made it over the ranges, after we took the boat off & put it on Cuz's car. I'm not sure why we didn't do that first, pride maybe? She'll be right attitude more like it, typical Aussies. Anyway, the 4 hour trip home turned into 7 ½ hours. Never mind, it's all part of the adventure! The little kids thought it was fun for a while, we kept having to pulling over & the kids got to get out & poke the dead animals on the side of the road with a stick. All children seem to want to do that. Horrible creatures really.

I don't care, I'm going back again. But next time, I take the 22 year old Mazda!

QldDeb: Loo With A View

2008-11-10T20:56:00.000-08:00

QldDeb: Loo With A View

Quiet Weekend

2008-11-09T20:03:00.000-08:00

I went for a walk on Sunday morning with the Monster & the dog (the young one, Chicko, not the dementia dog Zoe, who is still with me, by the way, my heart sings!) at Pallerandra, a beach near me.

It was just soooo beautiful. It always is. But this time it really was lovely as it was a bit overcast so the tourists were absent, it was just the locals walking their dogs. We saw the tourists flying overhead in the sight seeing tours, I waved at a few of them, thinking how lucky we were to be a part of the scene, not just glancing at it for 5 seconds before moving onto the next thing to be done and seen.

The tide was going out so as we were walking along we kept finding little worlds to inspect. Hermit crabs running around trying to escape, bugs skimming across the still ponds, anemones moving back & forth as the waves move over it, small fish swimming through the sea grass & darting away as they realise they are being observed, collecting cuttle fish for my cousin's strange puppy that likes to eat them. Apparently they're a great source of calcium, so maybe he's not that strange after all. Although I've only ever known birds to each cuttle fish. Chicko eats watermelon so I suppose I shouldn't judge.

Because it was overcast Maggie Island looked different, with the landscape seeming to change with the moving light as the sun peeked out from behind the clouds. It was a welcome change to have the clouds and rain, the day before the humidity was terrible, it felt like the middle of the wet and it hasn’t even started yet. The local north Queenslanders all welcome clouds & rain, the relief from the relentless sun is undescribable. Mind you, I actually prefer the sun & heat to cold and wet, but even a good thing can go on too long. And I also love going inland to the rivers, it's a completely different scene, but these rivers need the big wet to flush out the stagnant areas & make them swimmable.

I really am very, very lucky. I live in a land that abounds with natural beauty but also have all the conveniences of being near reasonably sized urban centres so I can get my "city fix" quite easily with a 2 hour flight to the capital city for around $200 for the airfare. Not that I seem to do that, I'm quite happy up here. It's usually for family events that we make the effort.

So next time I feel a bit sad, it's off to Pallerandra for a walk with the dog & the kid. Even the kid comes out of her shell there. Don't tell anyone though, she'll get upset if anyone finds out.

Hmmmm

2008-11-05T17:25:00.000-08:00

The picture says it all.

Sunset No 2

2008-10-22T18:21:00.000-07:00

Well, I don't know what's been going on, but I've been trying to attach this photo for 2 days and it just won't play!

Well, it wouldn't play, but now apparently it's OK. Mum must have given permission to play today. Maybe I Google was grounded because it didn't do it's chores properly. I don't care, just check out this pretty picture, it's stunning.

Out of Africa

2008-10-20T22:00:00.000-07:00

After that pretty sad post, I just thought of something.

A friend has just returned from South Africa, and he brought back some amazing photos.

I'll post the other sunset in a separate post. I don't know why, but this silly thing won't let me post more than one photo?!?!

Never mind, an excuse for another post!

Something

2008-10-20T21:58:00.000-07:00

I'm determined to blog every day through the week.

Trouble is, I'm not sure what to write about! But I have been told by a writer type that if I start to discipline myself and write SOMETHING every day, doesn't matter what, just something, that I will start to get a flow going (sounds a bit like my period, I don't want to do that every week day!).

So here's something. Or nothing. Whatever.

Lazy Sunday

2008-10-19T23:01:00.000-07:00

I had a lovely day on Sunday. I ran around like a chook with it's head cut off on Saturday, driving the monster to a drama workshop (like she needs help there!) and to work (proud mamma!!) and doing all that boring housey stuff. Necessary evil, but there it is.

Then I was invited to a 40th birthday party on Saturday night. Being the party animal that I am, of course I said yes & was off, with the tent packed in the car (in case of drunken excess, sensible pissedness, you know), sleeping bags, warm PJ's (it was out in cattle country, it sometimes drops below 20 degrees out there, that's cold for us tropical cane toads). Once I got there, I wanted to go home. I needed a quiet weekend at home. I just seem to have a problem with saying "NO". I think I get flattered that someone wants to play with me (how pathetic). Can you tell I wasn't the popular kid at school?

Anyway, we were back home by 10.30pm. Usually the time I get started, but I was very happy to be home. So were my puppies. I still have my black fluffy Zoe, we're still hanging in there. As long as I don't take her out of her comfort zone she's all good. And I can relate to that, I like hanging in my comfort zone when I'm feeling fragile too.

So I woke up on Sunday morning in a state of mild panic. I've had so much on lately that I didn't know what to do with myself, the housework was done and no-one was expecting me anywhere, ALL DAY!!!! So I got up & grabbed a ciggy & my book & laid back down for a couple of hours. I even had a cat nap in there. LUXURY. Then I got up, walked in circles for a bit, threw the dog's toys around the yard for a while, dyed my hair, shaved my legs, tormented the kid & watched a really crap old movie on TV. Just what I needed. To top it off, my cousin & his partner invited us out to their place for a quiet family BBQ, so off we went, to watch the sunset through the gum trees & listening to the birds singing goodnight. BLISS.

I need to say no more often and have a few more Sundays like yesterday.

It's All About ME!!!

2008-10-16T22:48:00.000-07:00

So, I've been spurred on by reading other people's blogs recently. It's reminded me why I started this journey, I'd kind of forgotten & gotten lazy.

This blog is all about ME. Me and my life, my loves, my people and my places. It is something for me to express myself in. I think that scares me a little bit. I think that might even be why I stopped for a bit. I didn't know how to express myself. Something many would find unbelievable, as I can be a rather loud person who talks LOTS.

But here goes, I'm going to try to discipline myself to blog at least 3 times a week to get myself into the habit. I need this, I internalise too much stuff & become a bit of a basket case sometimes and that's not a good thing, for me or my monster. How can I teach her to be a whole person, happy with her decisions and living her life to the fullest when I don't? Monkey see, monkey do. Scary.

I don't even know if I want a huge following (optimistic, aint I?!?!), I just want to play.

Anyway, this is just the start, although it is Friday arvo & I don't have the internet hooked up at home (has to be some perks at work) so I won't be able to post until Monday again. But that's OK, I'm going to TRY to blog 3 times a week, if it doesn't happen, I'm not going to crucify myself. There's enough people out there that'll do that for me.

I've been reading an amazing blog, "reluctantmemsahib", a lady living in the boonies in Africa. I'd set up a link, but I'm still webblog illiterate, I've got a bit more learning to do. Bugger it, if you can find my blog, get on google & look up hers, you don't need a link, stop being lazy! So I can be!! Her writing is great, not too soppy but very real. And the pictures of Africa are out of this world. I'm a bit jealous actually, I want to run away & live in a cave one day and despite all the hardships she goes through (and she puts up with a lot), I'd love to live in the middle of no where. But that's probably because I'm not a pedicure type of lady. I wish I was sometimes, but I can be a bit blokey, you know, don't go all drama queen on me, and so on. My daughter hates that, and I hate that I can't really get into the groove of all that girly stuff either. Although I did just go down the street with a girlfriend to get a kebab for lunch and stopped at a boutique & brought a BEAUTIFUL strapless dress with flowers on it. So maybe I am a bit of a girl, full of contradictions. A man would agree with that comment.

Anyway, as it is Friday arvo, and I run the social club bar at work, I'd better go & stock up the fridges, make sure there's enough coolers & heat up the cocktail frankfurts (to soak up the excess alcohol, sensible alcoholic service here you know). I've had an interesting week at work, so I really NEED that bourbon & coke. So everyone have a good weekend, I know I will!

Baby Girl

2008-09-15T23:49:00.001-07:00

This is my baby girl Zoe. I've had her since she was 4 years old (she's now 14) and her old owners couldn't keep her anymore. She's been the best friend and companion anybody could ask for. Her other name is "Shadow", because she's always just one step behind me, my own little furry shadow.

My heart is sad. I have to take her to the vet. She's got bad joints and has had her entire life, but now she's deaf as well. And I think dementia is starting to set in, she's started walking around in circles and gets scared if I take her out of her normal surroundings, which is sad as this dog has travelled up and down the east coast of Australia with me many times. She's gone out in the ocean in little tinnies and 7 metre boats & swam in reefs, beaches and lakes all over the place. As long as we've got a bottle of water & a packet of biscuits, we're set! (People biscuits, not doggy. She doesn't mind being a people, but I have a problem with being a dog. Go figure.)

I know I have to take her but I'm scared. I won't keep her alive if they tell me that she's in pain but I'm being an ostrich & hiding my head in the sand. And I feel terrible for it, it's not always about me, sometimes I need to put others first, especially a creature that is totally dependent on me and trusts me absolutely, how can I let her suffer? How can I let her go?

There have been times in my life that this dog has saved my sanity, a look from those eyes and a snuffle with her fluffy nose when I'm sad and I feel better. This creature truly loves me and I truly love her, unconditionally.

My brother has offered to do it for me, but I can't do that to her either, she deserves to have me hold her till the end, she's given me total devotion throughout her life. I just don't know how to do it. I'm getting tears in my eyes just typing this.

I probably sound a bit stupid, she's a dog, not a person, but to me she's another of my babies. One that should be able to be with me forever. God life sucks. And so does age.

Bad Mummy

2008-09-11T22:07:00.000-07:00

I've been checking out a few blogs lately, just cruising around & having a read and some of the blogs have been mummy blogs, chatting about the whole experience. They are beautifully written, lots of funny moments etc, but damn, these guys seem to go a bit overboard with the whole baby thing.

I adore my daughter, she's the most important thing in the world to me. Don't get me wrong, she's also the only person in the world who can get me from calm, cool and collected to raging homicidal maniac in 3 seconds flat. But I still love her heaps, I even like her sometimes! I work with government engineers and even they don't get me as angry as she can, and they can be seriously frustrating and child-like, trust me.

But I never went around the house bubble wrapping the pot belly stove, buying cooking utensils for the sole use of cooking the organic baby food to avoid contamination (contamination from what? The child's mother" The one who's finger [an extremely dirty appendage] the child sucks?) or counting the hours that I spend conversing one on one with her to ensure that her language and social skills are developing properly and enrolling her in all sorts of classes/groups to create a social network for her. Before she can speak.

When I first starting reading some of these I started feeling a bit of a failure. Bad mummy. I actually enjoyed having time away from my baby. I STILL enjoy having time away from her and it's not like I have to spoon feed her anymore. It helps me appreciate those special times we do have together. And I'm a firm believer in rolling all small children in dirt to build up their immune system. If they kiss the dog I'm more likely to wash the dog's mouth out to stop the child making the dog sick. Actually, I have told the Monster on occasions that the dog treats me better than she does. And it's true!

I don't know why, but this thing bothers me. All I can think of is a bunch of controlled little grown ups, with no immune system or common sense or real life experiences. Maybe I'm just projecting because I still feel guilty. I'd say so. I'd have to say that'd be the overriding emotion mothers experience. The guilt of not getting it right.

I still prefer the way I've raised mine, I'm not scared or nervous about how she'll handle life. She lives it everyday, the pretty bits and the ugly ones. With a mother like me she gets plenty of the ugly bits to balance out the pretty.

See, I am a good mummy, I provide a life balance!

I can justify just about anything, must be the public servant in me.

Sick

2008-09-08T23:15:00.000-07:00

I'm sick. Seriously. Like, I can't breathe too well at the moment sick. That's why I've been quiet.

My dog's loving it, mummy's laying in the one place ALL DAY. Her world is complete as long as she knows where I am. Makes me feel wanted.

My brain does not work too well at the moment, fog everywhere. Funny what lack of oxygen can do for you. I feel like I need someone to hold me upside down & bash me front & back to clear all the gunk. Where does it come from, seriously?!?!

Back at work, of course, the bills must be paid, but I'm really only a presence here, I'm not achieving much of anything. Good thing I work for the Government, I don't think anyone has noticed just yet.

Old joke:
Why don't they let public servants look out of the window in the morning?
'Cause then they'd have nothing to do in the afternoon.
Sometimes this is true.

Anyway, I'll make an effort later, all I want to do now is go home & sleep some more. With the dog leaning on the bed staring at me. Like I said, makes me feel wanted.

The Weekend Prize

2008-08-14T22:38:00.000-07:00

It's the Weekend!

Yay!!!

I love the weekend now. I remember when I was an at home mum, doing my partner's accounts and raising the kid/stepkids with him. I didn't realise how lucky I was.

Don't get me wrong, stay at home mums work their butt off. I was always doing something, either in the house or in the garden. I even used to make fancy birthday cakes! What a domestic goddess.

I really loved it, I loved the whole nurturing thing, the ability to be creative and organise my own time. The only person I had to answer to was the Unfaithful One, who was always appreciative of my efforts, and would praise me publicly all the time. Probably the reason I stayed with him for so long!

But now I'm working in the real world, 8am-5pm, Monday to Friday, the weekend has regained it's value. At first I was seriously resentful of the demands work made of me, I kept saying how unfair it was that I didn't have enough time in the week to do everything I wanted to.

It took me about 12 months to realise that maybe my priorities were the problem, not the work I had to do in order to finance my life. Being a domestic goddess and the best cake baking mum in the school year were maybe NOT the most important things in my life. Maybe that wasn't what my child was going to remember when she looked back on the happy moments of her childhood. Maybe she would remember the ranting, raving, lunatic mother who was running around trying to make everything perfect as a BAD thing. In hindsight, I realised that I was making myself miserable and in turn making my daughter miserable trying to create something that wasn't real.

So I let go. And in letting go, I've discovered the good things about working. And one of them is the precious weekend and public holidays. Aussie's love public holidays, almost as much as we love having a sickie. Which is another thing that I found again! There's something special about ripping off the boss. Kind of like posting on your blog on a quiet Friday afternoon before opening the social club bar for knock off drinks.

Can you see how working adds so much value to my life?

New Adventures

2008-08-11T17:41:00.000-07:00

I'm the mother of a 15 year old. Weird.

She's taller than me, has bigger feet than me & pinches my bra. Because mine are prettier than hers. I've always brought her boring old cotton ones as I believe strongly kids should be kids, not sexualised but I think I'm coming to the point where I'm going to have to recognise that she might not be a little girl anymore (sigh).

It's not that I mind getting older, I reckon I'm like a fine wine, I get better with age, more confident and comfortable in my own skin. It's just that I only have one child. I've got a few stepsons from a previous relationship, who I love dearly, but only one little girl & she's not that anymore.

I'm just a little bit sad, in another 5 years she'll be gone. She's already distancing herself socially, I don't see her all day Sunday, she works 2 nights a week collecting trolleys for Woolworths and with all the other things she does I only cook dinner about 3 times a week, the rest of the time is leftovers or takeaway. Great in a way, I get time to sit in the hammock & read a good book with a glass of wine and so on but still kind of sad.

On the other hand, I really can start to plan the rest of my life. My 20's were filled with caring for my mum who had diabetes and kidney failure, The Monster as a baby & my ex-partner's kids, house, business & ex-wife (hmmm, another story), my 30's with the mega break-up and sea-change move up north, establishing myself once again. Now my little girl is establishing her independence, I can be a little bit selfish and start doing things just for ME!

I'm starting by having a HUGE 40^th birthday next year, hiring a private house on it's own beach over on the island & inviting lots of people to party for the entire weekend. It will be expensive, it will be stupid and it will be filled with lots of alcohol etc. And maybe a BBQ here & there to soak up all the alcohol & etc. It will be like an 18^th without having to behave in front of Nan. As a matter of fact, the oldest person there will be 45yrs old, so there won't be any oldies telling us it's about time to grow up. I'm personally using it as a spring board to regress. Whoo Hoo!!!!!

So bugger off sadness, it's time to start another adventure!

Please be Gentle

2008-08-06T00:01:00.000-07:00

I just had a look at my past blogs, now that I've posted a whole 7 posts on my blog.

Man, you would never think I work in administration, that editing is shocking!

All I can say is it's my first time. Please be gentle. I'll try harder next time, I promise.

Mud Bug

2008-08-05T23:28:00.001-07:00

We have a new toy!

And what a toy!!

It's really a beautician's tool, used for mudbaths and vibrating all that cellulite off while doing doughnuts in the mud.

Oh, and also decorating all other dirt bikes and buggies that are brave enough to come close

Any other suggestions?

Race Day

2008-07-27T20:26:00.002-07:00

"What are you doing?" says Ugly Gutz (brother)

"Talking to you, I just got out of bed" (Saturday 11.30am) The Perfect One (ME!)

"Townsville Cup's on today, want to come & get pissed?"

How could I refuse an invitation like that? From family too, there's togetherness for you.

What I don't understand is why we go to such an effort to look so purdy to get super pissed & covered in mud. We have lots of fun doing it but I'm really starting to think I need to start a trend & wear gum boots & jeans with a flannalette shirt. Might not pick up looking like that. Or pick up the wrong sort!

I even went to the effort of straitening my hair, which is an HUGE as it is naturally curly with about 10 cowlicks running through it. I usually get handfuls of mouse & rub it in & my hair's done for the day.

I must admit I do like seeing all the blokes making an effort. It's not very often you see a man wearing a suit in the tropics!

I even saw a bright orange one with a hot pink tie. Ugly Gutz commented on how I should make a play for him as I was wearing an orange halter neck number I picked up from a fancy boutique for only $15 on the sale rack outside and the shoes cost me $10. Quite funny when you consider it cost $25 to get in. Anyway, the attending family members thought we were a perfect match.

I told them all I was wearing it for them so they could see where I was at all times. A bit like a beacon. That was the nicest comment I got back from them. Bloody family.

It's been awhile since I've gone to the races and unless you're a horsy person there's only 2 days you go to Townsville races, Amateurs Day and Townsville Cup. We couldn't get a taxi, they stopped answering calls (don't you just love taxi companies in small towns?) so 6 adults (of generous proportions) squeezed themselves into a Toyota Corolla hatchback. Hmmm, how old are we?

We then had to drive through the centre of town displaying our cunning on how to fill little cars, past police directing traffic (everyone duck! Where?! You're bum's in my way!! That's my boob, leave it attached!!!! etc) and then park the people mover. I actually think watching us fall out of the thing would have been hilarious. I'm quite good at falling out of cars, but I'll keep that one for another day.

We then had to wait in line for 20 minutes (with no roadies, we didn't think to take an esky for the line) to buy a $25 ticket to get in. Once inside it took about 5 minutes to locate the (Bundy) rum tent & get into another line (for another 20 minutes). With a maximum of four drinks per person, we soon all had the supplies & ventured forth to find a piece of grass, knowing that there was no way we'd be getting a table at this point. We get a bit spoilt up here, we're really not used to lines and waiting for things to happen. Unless it's European car parts, they take a minimum of 8 weeks.

So, after spilling most of our vodka's over our purdy dresses and suits, coating the diamante laden shoes with mud & muck and repining the fascinator so many times your head feels like pin cushion, we finally found some large pieces of cardboard next to some people we vaguely knew (they came from the same mining town we'd lived in 20 years previously, but hey, everyone's your bestest ever friend at the races, don't you know?)

After that the afternoon got a bit messy and hazy, after all, we were sitting in the sun, drinking (started cold, ended up warm) vodka, smoking cigarette's one after the other (why do I do that when I'm drunk?) and ~~solving all the world's problems~~ talking crap.

I was home by 8.30pm, sitting on the lounge pontificating to the teenager about all sorts of stuff. I'm not really sure what, I was hoping she was doing her usual and just ignoring me. The welfare services haven't called yet, so she hasn't rung anyone to complain about her drunken mother, or her rantings.

But the Amateurs Day is on in another 2 months, maybe I should try tarting up the gumboots now, what do you think?

Teenagers

2008-07-24T18:30:00.000-07:00

"Get off me!"

"But my feet are cold"

"Don't care, gerroff!!"

"Don’t you love your mummy?"

"Yes, but not your feet, gerroff now or I won't love you!!!"

"But it's only my toes, & you've got jeans on, be nice to mummy"

'NOOOOOO, geeerrrooofff NOW!!!!"

Aren’t children grand?

I don't remember talking to her like that, or me talking to my mum like that (she can't contradict me either, she dead), but times change, eh?

I'm really loving the whole teenager thing. Don't know what people complain about.

Loo With A View

2008-07-23T23:20:00.000-07:00

I was feeling a bit down today and was going through some photos to cheer myself up and I came across this one.

Seriously, how can anyone be sad when they've got a loo with a view?

P.S. I don't actually live here, we're not quite that rustic in Aussie, this is the weekender.

Willy

2008-07-23T23:11:00.000-07:00

A bit juvenile, but it made me laugh.

I must admit I wish I had the guts to say this sometimes, the pick up lines don't get funnier/cuter/truthful the older you get.

I was thinking about printing this on a t-shirt to wear to the pub on Friday night but I might end up getting into a bit of trouble (hopefully!)

BORED!!!

2008-07-21T22:28:00.000-07:00

I'm Bored. A very childish thing to say, but I don't really care. I'm bored.

I work in a government job and while it is very stable and has great perks (extra holidays, leave loading, flex time etc) it really doesn't challenge my brain. That's one of the reasons for this blog, I've always talked about venturing into a bit of writing but I've never taken the plunge.

Until now.

So please be patient with me, I'm a virgin (it's been a long time since I've been able to say that!) and pretty much web illiterate apart from jumping on Google and typing in rude words to see what comes up.

I know, I know, more childish behaviour. Are you seeing a pattern yet?

Don't worry, if you stick with me you'll see LOTS of patterns in no time at all!

Now I've just got to actually transcribe all the useless information that rattles around in my head to paper, it sounded easy in theory.

Will post soon, well, as soon as I figure out how to do the above!

2008-07-21T21:55:00.000-07:00

Check this out, pig out in a coffee mug, I love it! Perfect for a sickie, watching Dr Phil & laying on the lounge like a HUGE lizard.

5 Minute Chocolate Mug Cake

you’ll need....
4 Tablespoons cake flour
4 Tablespoons sugar
2 Tablespoons cocoa

1 Egg
3 Tablespoons milk
3 Tablespoons oil
3 Tablespoons chocolate drops (optional)
1 Mug

here’s what you do....

Add dry ingredients to the mug, and mix well.

Crack an egg and add it to your mug. Be sure to mix it well to avoid any pockets of flour in the corners.

Pour in the milk and oil and mix well.

Add the chocolate drops if you’ve got them, and a splash of vanilla essence too.

Pop your mug into the microwave & zap for 3 minutes on
maximum power (1000watt).

Wait until the cake stops rising, and sets in the mug.

If necessary, run a knife around the sides of the mug, and
tip the still warm cake out of the mug and onto a saucer.

Sit back and enjoy with a coffee - you deserve it!

Hmmm, my very first blog post and what's it about? FOOD! Gee, I wonder why I've got a wee bit of a weight issue?