Race Day

"What are you doing?" says Ugly Gutz (brother)

"Talking to you, I just got out of bed" (Saturday 11.30am) The Perfect One (ME!)

"Townsville Cup's on today, want to come & get pissed?"

How could I refuse an invitation like that? From family too, there's togetherness for you.

What I don't understand is why we go to such an effort to look so purdy to get super pissed & covered in mud. We have lots of fun doing it but I'm really starting to think I need to start a trend & wear gum boots & jeans with a flannalette shirt. Might not pick up looking like that. Or pick up the wrong sort!

I even went to the effort of straitening my hair, which is an HUGE as it is naturally curly with about 10 cowlicks running through it. I usually get handfuls of mouse & rub it in & my hair's done for the day.

I must admit I do like seeing all the blokes making an effort. It's not very often you see a man wearing a suit in the tropics!

I even saw a bright orange one with a hot pink tie. Ugly Gutz commented on how I should make a play for him as I was wearing an orange halter neck number I picked up from a fancy boutique for only $15 on the sale rack outside and the shoes cost me $10. Quite funny when you consider it cost $25 to get in. Anyway, the attending family members thought we were a perfect match.

I told them all I was wearing it for them so they could see where I was at all times. A bit like a beacon. That was the nicest comment I got back from them. Bloody family.

It's been awhile since I've gone to the races and unless you're a horsy person there's only 2 days you go to Townsville races, Amateurs Day and Townsville Cup. We couldn't get a taxi, they stopped answering calls (don't you just love taxi companies in small towns?) so 6 adults (of generous proportions) squeezed themselves into a Toyota Corolla hatchback. Hmmm, how old are we?

We then had to drive through the centre of town displaying our cunning on how to fill little cars, past police directing traffic (everyone duck! Where?! You're bum's in my way!! That's my boob, leave it attached!!!! etc) and then park the people mover. I actually think watching us fall out of the thing would have been hilarious. I'm quite good at falling out of cars, but I'll keep that one for another day.

We then had to wait in line for 20 minutes (with no roadies, we didn't think to take an esky for the line) to buy a $25 ticket to get in. Once inside it took about 5 minutes to locate the (Bundy) rum tent & get into another line (for another 20 minutes). With a maximum of four drinks per person, we soon all had the supplies & ventured forth to find a piece of grass, knowing that there was no way we'd be getting a table at this point. We get a bit spoilt up here, we're really not used to lines and waiting for things to happen. Unless it's European car parts, they take a minimum of 8 weeks.

So, after spilling most of our vodka's over our purdy dresses and suits, coating the diamante laden shoes with mud & muck and repining the fascinator so many times your head feels like pin cushion, we finally found some large pieces of cardboard next to some people we vaguely knew (they came from the same mining town we'd lived in 20 years previously, but hey, everyone's your bestest ever friend at the races, don't you know?)

After that the afternoon got a bit messy and hazy, after all, we were sitting in the sun, drinking (started cold, ended up warm) vodka, smoking cigarette's one after the other (why do I do that when I'm drunk?) and solving all the world's problems talking crap.

I was home by 8.30pm, sitting on the lounge pontificating to the teenager about all sorts of stuff. I'm not really sure what, I was hoping she was doing her usual and just ignoring me. The welfare services haven't called yet, so she hasn't rung anyone to complain about her drunken mother, or her rantings.

But the Amateurs Day is on in another 2 months, maybe I should try tarting up the gumboots now, what do you think?

Teenagers

"Get off me!"

"But my feet are cold"

"Don't care, gerroff!!"

"Don’t you love your mummy?"

"Yes, but not your feet, gerroff now or I won't love you!!!"

"But it's only my toes, & you've got jeans on, be nice to mummy"

'NOOOOOO, geeerrrooofff NOW!!!!"

Aren’t children grand?

I don't remember talking to her like that, or me talking to my mum like that (she can't contradict me either, she dead), but times change, eh?

I'm really loving the whole teenager thing. Don't know what people complain about.

Loo With A View

I was feeling a bit down today and was going through some photos to cheer myself up and I came across this one.

Seriously, how can anyone be sad when they've got a loo with a view?

P.S. I don't actually live here, we're not quite that rustic in Aussie, this is the weekender.

Willy

A bit juvenile, but it made me laugh.

I must admit I wish I had the guts to say this sometimes, the pick up lines don't get funnier/cuter/truthful the older you get.

I was thinking about printing this on a t-shirt to wear to the pub on Friday night but I might end up getting into a bit of trouble (hopefully!)

BORED!!!

I'm Bored. A very childish thing to say, but I don't really care. I'm bored.

I work in a government job and while it is very stable and has great perks (extra holidays, leave loading, flex time etc) it really doesn't challenge my brain. That's one of the reasons for this blog, I've always talked about venturing into a bit of writing but I've never taken the plunge.

Until now.

So please be patient with me, I'm a virgin (it's been a long time since I've been able to say that!) and pretty much web illiterate apart from jumping on Google and typing in rude words to see what comes up.

I know, I know, more childish behaviour. Are you seeing a pattern yet?

Don't worry, if you stick with me you'll see LOTS of patterns in no time at all!

Now I've just got to actually transcribe all the useless information that rattles around in my head to paper, it sounded easy in theory.

Will post soon, well, as soon as I figure out how to do the above!

Check this out, pig out in a coffee mug, I love it! Perfect for a sickie, watching Dr Phil & laying on the lounge like a HUGE lizard.

5 Minute Chocolate Mug Cake

you’ll need....
4 Tablespoons cake flour
4 Tablespoons sugar
2 Tablespoons cocoa

1 Egg
3 Tablespoons milk
3 Tablespoons oil
3 Tablespoons chocolate drops (optional)
1 Mug

here’s what you do....

Add dry ingredients to the mug, and mix well.

Crack an egg and add it to your mug. Be sure to mix it well to avoid any pockets of flour in the corners.

Pour in the milk and oil and mix well.

Add the chocolate drops if you’ve got them, and a splash of vanilla essence too.

Pop your mug into the microwave & zap for 3 minutes on
maximum power (1000watt).

Wait until the cake stops rising, and sets in the mug.

If necessary, run a knife around the sides of the mug, and
tip the still warm cake out of the mug and onto a saucer.

Sit back and enjoy with a coffee - you deserve it!

Hmmm, my very first blog post and what's it about? FOOD! Gee, I wonder why I've got a wee bit of a weight issue?