Baby Girl

This is my baby girl Zoe. I've had her since she was 4 years old (she's now 14) and her old owners couldn't keep her anymore. She's been the best friend and companion anybody could ask for. Her other name is "Shadow", because she's always just one step behind me, my own little furry shadow.

My heart is sad. I have to take her to the vet. She's got bad joints and has had her entire life, but now she's deaf as well. And I think dementia is starting to set in, she's started walking around in circles and gets scared if I take her out of her normal surroundings, which is sad as this dog has travelled up and down the east coast of Australia with me many times. She's gone out in the ocean in little tinnies and 7 metre boats & swam in reefs, beaches and lakes all over the place. As long as we've got a bottle of water & a packet of biscuits, we're set! (People biscuits, not doggy. She doesn't mind being a people, but I have a problem with being a dog. Go figure.)

I know I have to take her but I'm scared. I won't keep her alive if they tell me that she's in pain but I'm being an ostrich & hiding my head in the sand. And I feel terrible for it, it's not always about me, sometimes I need to put others first, especially a creature that is totally dependent on me and trusts me absolutely, how can I let her suffer? How can I let her go?

There have been times in my life that this dog has saved my sanity, a look from those eyes and a snuffle with her fluffy nose when I'm sad and I feel better. This creature truly loves me and I truly love her, unconditionally.

My brother has offered to do it for me, but I can't do that to her either, she deserves to have me hold her till the end, she's given me total devotion throughout her life. I just don't know how to do it. I'm getting tears in my eyes just typing this.

I probably sound a bit stupid, she's a dog, not a person, but to me she's another of my babies. One that should be able to be with me forever. God life sucks. And so does age.